I Need You Lord

 I Need You, Lord.

I needed you Lord, as a little girl,  scared of the dark, blankets pulled over face, scared to take a breath. 

I needed you Lord, teenage girl, running from the One I needed most, trying to find satisfaction in everything but You.

I needed you Lord, young mother, not knowing what I was doing, but acknowledging my need for You for the first time to make me into the woman You want me to be.

I needed You Lord, when I held my miscarried child in the palm of my hand a day after watching that tiny heart flutter on the ultrasound screen.

I needed You Lord, when I sat beside the bedside holding my Grandmother’s hand watching her every breath, not knowing when it was going to be her last, as tears streamed down my face.

I needed You Lord when I watched my oldest daughter walk down the isle to marry the man of her dreams as her childhood flashed before my eyes. 

I needed You Lord as I was told the dangers of getting pregnant again and seeing that faint line appear on the pregnancy test.

I needed You Lord, as I was told while on the operating table that there was a pretty good chance I wouldn’t make it after they delivered my sweet baby girl by c-section and I looked up at my husband who had tears in his eyes before he told me goodbye from the operating room, not knowing if that was for the last time.

I needed You Lord, when instead of recovering after the birth, I continued to get worse, mentally and physically.

I needed You Lord when I thought I was the only one that grace could never save.

I needed You then and I need You now.

 There will never come a single moment I do not need You. I need You when the sun is shining just as much as when the sky is crying. 

Thank You, Lord for showing me how much I need You and for always being faithful even when I have not. 

I need You, Lord. Help others to see they need You too.

A Mother’s Daily Petition

Her day begins before the waking of the sun.
As her children sleep peacefully upon their beds, she retreats to her place of refuge to plead for grace and mercy for the upcoming day.
She knows this position of ministry is too difficult for her to face alone and that schedules and willpower alone will cause her to be a failure. She must seek wisdom, strength, and power from her Beloved Savior Who lives to intercede on her behalf. And so begins the prayer of a mother….

Another day-
Strength, Lord…
To wash dishes, clothes, floors, sticky hands, and dirty faces.
To fill hungry bellies with nutritious and delicious food.
To fill hungry souls the Living Bread of Your Word.
To wear a smile, knowing that much work means many blessings.
To act, talk, and respond the same inside of my home as I would if outside the home.
To do Your work faithfully, joyously, courageously, thoroughly, honestly, and gratefully as “unto the Lord.”

Another day-
Patience, Longsuffering Lord…
To remember mercy when the day is filled with whines and tantrums, considering if the children are just repeating what they see me do.
To read the same book again and again, to teach the same lesson with enthusiasm and not sarcasm.
To encourage, to love, to cherish, to teach.
To remember making a mess =making memories.
To do the mundane tasks of motherhood and making a home with a song in my heart and praise on my lips. Its not only what I do that matters, but the motive of my heart that You see.

Another day-
Eternal vision, Lord…
To see myself not as a housewife, but a homemaker.
To view my home as the most important sphere of influence.
To see past the temporary to the eternal soul that will never die when looking at my children or those you call me to minister to.
To see myself not only as a diaper changer, but a world changer, one child at a time.
To remember that I can’t honor You if I don’t honor my husband.
To see that being faithful begins with being faithful right now in this very moment or task.
To see every annoyance, every unforeseen obstacle, every interruption as divine appointments allowed by Your loving hand with the purpose of conforming me to Thy Image.

Another day… to die to self, to love others, to do all for the Glory of God! And so I begin this day with Your strength, patience, and longsuffering, remembering that how I live today will echo throughout eternity. Teach me Thy way, O Lord. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.


Adapted from “Petitioning” published in the devotional called “Tea Leaves”. Martha Stoltzfus Barkman.
(Mrs. Ervin)
“Be not weary mother, for in time you’ll reap, For now is time to plant and plow, no time to be asleep. “

A Letter To My Unborn Son

                                                              
Dear Precious Child,

In about 1 more month I will finally have the opportunity to behold the face of a miracle that I was told by doctors I shouldn’t have due to medical conditions, but God… (notice those 2 small words- because they change everything) … but God… had other plans. God loves to show how strong and mighty He is and how man’s wisdom really isn’t wisdom at all. God healed me completely of my medical condition within the first month of pregnancy! The arrival of your birth humbles me, knowing that God has entrusted yet another child to my care- the responsibility to raise you to be a warrior for Jesus Christ in a world that is hostile to even the name of Jesus. Right now you are snuggled safely in my womb unaware of the cruel world just outside. A world that views children as disposable and burdens. Oh how I treasure feeling your tiny feet kicking around in my tummy, your tiny hiccups in the wee hours of the night- feelings I wouldn’t even be feeling if God in His providence had not intervened. During the birth of your sister Ellie your daddy and I had signed papers to give the doctor’s permission to tie off my only fallopian tube to prevent another pregnancy due to the warnings from the doctor’s that it would be life threatening to proceed with another caesarean, but to our surprise the surgeon was unable to perform the surgery. I knew at that very moment that I had just witnessed God’s hand intervene and that my womb would possibly hold another miracle from God. I’m telling you all of this because I want you to know that you were created for a purpose larger than anything you could ever imagine. Before a single cell of yours was in existence, before your heart began it’s first beat, before your lungs inhale it’s first breath- God had your days numbered and He takes great delight in you- His special creation created to bring Him honor and glory. You, my son are wanted and already loved beyond measure. In this world you will be hated, mocked, slandered, misunderstood, and taken for granted- but don’t ever forget that you, my son are a child of the God who created the heavens and the earth… you are royalty if you remain in Christ and be faithful to the end. Please remember that your identity isn’t found in your college degrees, your career, or what other‘s think of you, but is found only in Christ. I pray the chubby little feet that I get to kiss in about a month will walk the narrow path, the tiny hands that will soon wrap around my fingers will be hands of a prayer warrior, and the heart that will beat against my chest as I sing to you sweet lullabies will be a heart that is fully devoted to Christ with sincere love and devotion. While you have been entrusted in my care to love, nurture, and protect- I am fully aware that you belong to the Lord and that I am unable to succeed in this calling without the indwelling Spirit of Christ living through me to guide and instruct me.

　

Anxiously awaiting your arrival,
your mother, Kristin


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Mother's Prayer

Last night I wrote a short poem that I thought I would share. Being a mother is the most humbling calling. I feel so unqualified to be a mother. I have so many imperfections. Doesn't my children deserve to have a perfect mother who never raises her voice, who always slows down to listen to the cares and concerns of young hearts, who is more disciplined at family devotions, who is more consistent with discipline instead of taking the easy road by ignoring or telling her children to just go play? Sometimes I feel like the only mother who fails, who messes up. I want more than anything to be the mother that God wants me to be and the mother my children deserve and need. As I'm helping my children grow, they are helping me grow. The only thing that brings me comfort and encourages me in the journey of motherhood is the fact that God works ALL things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to HIS purpose! God can work out all my character flaws, my failures, my shortcoming for His glory, for His good! That is the best news! I dont have to be perfect. It's my imperfections that make me realize I NEED the Lord... I can't live a single day of motherhood without Him. Thank-you Lord for your forgiveness, love, mercy, and wonderful GRACE!



Each day I try harder to be the mom I want to be,
But my constant imperfections keeps me in prayer upon my knees.
May my voice become sweeter instead of hurried and rough,
No one said it was easy- Motherhood is TOUGH!
May my heart enjoy serving without griping and grumbling,
Being a mother is a calling so humbling.
May my mind be encouraged by the Truth Your Word reveals
And not swayed by circumstances or how I seem to feel.
May my footsteps lead my children to the path of righteousness
May my actions be in tune with the faith that I profess.
May my feet not run to quickly as I do my chores each day
For little ones are waiting for mom to sit and play.
May my hands fold in prayer seeking guidance and grace
for You alone are God and for this I give You praise.
May my life be lived to raise the children You entrusted me
That their lives would honor You and bring to You glory.



Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Rest

Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Rest. Something the world considers as being lazy, idle, and unproductive. Most days I feel like I need to always be doing something, yet God says it is a good thing to rest. We all NEED those quiet times, those moments of peace where we can be alone with God and replenish our strength from Him. As Nancy Leigh Demoss says, "You have to drink of Him before you can pour out into others’ lives." So true! Whenever I neglect resting in the Lord I find myself snapping at my husband and kids and living my day feeling drained instead of replenished. I often feel like I am running on empty. Instead of running faster and trying harder I need find rest in Jesus and let Him be the satisfier of my thirsting soul!
Being a wife and mother of 3 is hard work! Alot of days I tell myself that I don't have time to rest. That I just have to much to do and that I have to keep going in order to get everything I need to get done, done. I continue living my day in my own strength and end up frustrated, tired, with nothing left to give to my family. I believe the reason so many mothers are overwhelmed with the daily duties of motherhood is because we don't begin our day with Jesus. We wake up and tackle the day on our own, in our own strength, but our strength will never be enough. We might spend our days being busy, but there is a difference in being busy and being fruitful. We cannot live a fruitful life apart from Christ. Only through abiding in Him can our lives produce fruit. How often we plan our own steps, goals, dreams, and how we spend our precious time. When was the last time you asked the Lord what HIS plans, dreams, and goals for your day was? I am speaking to myself as I'm writing this because I'm guilty in not seeking the Lord's will as I begin each day. I usually read my Bible at the end of the day before bed, but have realized that this is not what God wants for me. He wants me to BEGIN each day with Him. God's yoke is EASY and His burden is LIGHT! God wants us to find rest for our souls in HIM. We wont find true rest for our souls by reading a good book, having a break from the kids, getting the house in order, or by getting more sleep. Come to the only One who can give you the rest your soul yearns for!
Lord, as I begin each day help me to seek Your will and not live according to my own plans. Your word says that your yoke is easy and your burden is light. Help me to weed out the things in our family that do not produce fruit. Lead me to still waters and help others to see the reflection of Jesus living in me. Amen.

Mark 6:31
31Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."


Psalm 127:2
2 In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Prayer

I found this poem on one of my favorite blogs and thought I'd share.

My Prayer
By: Emily Taft
Build me a life, oh Lord above,
Full of service, strength and love
Help me to walk with Thee alone
And keep my eye upon the Throne.
Fashion my life oh, Lord for Thee,
That I might ever helpful be.
Grant me the chance to always show
Kindness and love wherever I go.
Lead me through paths where I may stray
Tho' rough and rugged may be the way.
Give me a heart that's pure and clean,
Kindle my light so it may be seen.
Build me a life, oh Lord, for Thee.
One that will live eternally!

Serving The Lord With Gladness

The title of my blog is “serving the Lord with gladness”. If I was honest with you I would have to admit that my service the past year has been more grumbling than gladness. Our family has spent most of the winter being sick. We’ve had several strains of the flu, strep throat, tonsilitis, bronchitis, sinus infections, colds, ear infections, and pink eye. I’ve never seen anything like it. This year I was also diagnosed with Grave’s Disease (overactive thyroid). I see an endocrinologist on the 30th of this month. I’m hoping I can get it taken care of quickly so I can have the energy to raise my 3 children. I’m not sure if God is trying to teach me a valuable lesson or if satan is trying to destroy our home and steal my joy.
I believe it’s probably both. I do know that God always works for the good of those who love Him who are called according to His purpose. I also know that my situation in life could always be worse, a lot worse. I could be suffering from an incurable disease, cancer, or death of a child or spouse. I am blessed beyond words; way more than I ever deserve. Needless to say, illness, a colicky baby, and a toddler who still doesn’t sleep through the night has really taken a toll on my life (sanity) this past year. I truly believe in the power of prayer so I have brought all my requests to God both BIG and small. I have seen God answer prayers of mine in the past that were HUGE so when God didn’t answer my “little” prayer to help my baby to sleep through the night I was a little confused. I would politely remind God that He parted the Red Sea and raised the dead so He could easily make my daughter a better sleeper. I know this may seem silly to pray a prayer about sleep, but I’m just not a very happy homemaker when I can’t manage to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. My daughter is now 13 months and has only slept through the night a handful of times. God has bigger plans for me than a good night’s sleep I guess and I trust Him. I believe that God is sovereign. He is in control of every circumstance, both big and small.
In the past I have gone years with the sun shining with no storms to make me want to run for shelter. But I think that’s just it. Storms make us want to run to shelter. Storms for the most part bring us closer to Christ. When my life is nothing but sunshine I sometimes start thinking that I’m doing a pretty good job raising my children and being a Godly wife. But this is pride and God hates pride. He loves us to much to ignore our pride. Almost always pride comes before a fall. Jesus Christ is the ONLY reason that anything good whatsoever comes from me. Without Him, I can try in my own strength to be “good”. I can do all the right things and appear to be a good mother, good wife, and fool myself into thinking I have it all together, but the storms will reveal our true character. Only through and in Christ can we endure storms and continue to have joy and peace. I don’t want to build my life on shifting sand, but on the solid Rock of Christ. A house built on sinking sand has no substance and will crumble as soon as the rain starts pouring down. I don’t want my joy and gladness to be based only on my circumstances because my circumstances will always change. Lord, you are my joy and my gladness. Help me to look to You instead of looking at the storms. Help me to listen to your voice and not the voice of the enemy. Help me to stand on your promises and not try to stand on my own two feet. As the lyrics of song below goes: Refine me Lord through the flames.


Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.


Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before destruction,
a haughty spirit before a fall.





On Christ the Solid Rock lyrics:

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

When darkness seems to hide His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.





The Desert Song
By: Hillsong

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow