I Need You Lord

 I Need You, Lord.

I needed you Lord, as a little girl,  scared of the dark, blankets pulled over face, scared to take a breath. 

I needed you Lord, teenage girl, running from the One I needed most, trying to find satisfaction in everything but You.

I needed you Lord, young mother, not knowing what I was doing, but acknowledging my need for You for the first time to make me into the woman You want me to be.

I needed You Lord, when I held my miscarried child in the palm of my hand a day after watching that tiny heart flutter on the ultrasound screen.

I needed You Lord, when I sat beside the bedside holding my Grandmother’s hand watching her every breath, not knowing when it was going to be her last, as tears streamed down my face.

I needed You Lord when I watched my oldest daughter walk down the isle to marry the man of her dreams as her childhood flashed before my eyes. 

I needed You Lord as I was told the dangers of getting pregnant again and seeing that faint line appear on the pregnancy test.

I needed You Lord, as I was told while on the operating table that there was a pretty good chance I wouldn’t make it after they delivered my sweet baby girl by c-section and I looked up at my husband who had tears in his eyes before he told me goodbye from the operating room, not knowing if that was for the last time.

I needed You Lord, when instead of recovering after the birth, I continued to get worse, mentally and physically.

I needed You Lord when I thought I was the only one that grace could never save.

I needed You then and I need You now.

 There will never come a single moment I do not need You. I need You when the sun is shining just as much as when the sky is crying. 

Thank You, Lord for showing me how much I need You and for always being faithful even when I have not. 

I need You, Lord. Help others to see they need You too.