Do you have any difficult people in your life?
Many people are in dysfunctional and toxic relationships and don’t even know what a healthy relationship supposed to look like.
Here are a few healthy traits to look for and strive to be ourselves for others.
1. You feel loved and accepted when you’re around them. You don’t feel the need to put up a front, but can be completely honest about your struggles without being criticized or judged.
2. You’re able to visit with them without being interrupted or ignored.
3. You can share accomplishments without them being envious or having a competitive spirit, always trying to “one up” you.
4. They don’t create drama or added mental stress in your life.
5. They pray for you and want to see you grow spiritually.
6. They check on you when they know you’re going through an illness or a trial.
7. They tell you the truth about yourself even though they might be concerned it won’t be well received because they love you and want a healthy relationship with you. “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” Proverbs 27:6
8. They’re not always flattering you and others. “Those who flatter their neighbors are spreading nets for their feet.”Proverbs 29:5
9. They encourage you.
10. They’re quick to apologize when they’ve hurt you.
11. They do not play mind games or always have a secret motive for everything they do.
12. You can trust them.
13. They truly care about the way they make you feel. “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4
14. They are not always comparing you with others.
15. They respect your boundaries.
16. You can tell them “no” without any repercussions such as the silent treatment, trying to make them feel guilty, or emotional manipulation.
17. They are not controlling or manipulating in any way. They don’t get jealous of the other relationships you have with others.
18. They treat you the same no matter what group of people are around.
19. The respect you.
20. They help and encourage you to draw closer to God. The conversations you have with them are often about spiritual things, not worldly pleasures and the temporary things of life.
So what should we do if we find ourselves in a toxic and destructive relationship?
The Bible tells us IF it is possible, to live at peace with ALL men.
It does NOT say that we have to tolerate another’s sinful and destructive behavior.
We must forgive them, but can love them from a distance.
With some, we can talk and work through things, but with others, we will only get hatred, bitterness, and strife from doing this.
We MUST use discernment here!
MOST people do not handle confrontation well, in fact, MOST times it only exasperates the problems.
Correct a scoffer and he will HATE you.
“Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you.
Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.” Proverbs 9:8-9
On the flip side, sometimes we assume it won’t be well received because we secretly wish to have a valid reason to cut them out of our life, which is wrong too. We must be asking God for wisdom.
At times, living at peace with someone is maintained by leaving them alone. Praying for them and giving it to God.
STOP trying to fix broken people who do not want to change. You will pay for it and confusion and all kinds of conflict will enter your life.
“16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
18 And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.”
James 3:16-18
Avoiding unhealthy relationships does not always mean that we are not forgiving others or holding on to bitterness. In fact, a lot of times the one who is being mistreated would love to have the relationship restored, but without repentance, sometimes on BOTH sides, it is impossible.
Living at peace with others does not mean we have fellowship with them.
Jesus did not have fellowship with everyone and was selective.
He knew who He could trust and didn’t easily entrust Himself to others.
Aren’t you looking forward to getting our new glorified bodies where every relationship will be perfect and without strife?
Perfect unity with Jesus and others, forever!
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