There used to be a time when the enemy would cause me to doubt my salvation. One month I’d feel saved and the next I wasn’t quite sure.
It wasn’t until I truly understood with my heart that it wasn’t about my performance that I felt true peace and rest. It wasn’t about how many Bible studies I did, how many times I witnessed to others, or how “good” I could be.
One year ago I was pretty much unable mentally and physically to do anything. It wasn’t until I went completely off my medicine that I came out of that nightmare. (Not advocating any of you do this without much prayer and a trusted doctor!!) My only goal for each day was to keep the kids fed and alive. That’s it. No kidding.
The once highly motivated me that loved doing things for others was now the one in need of constant help and prayer.
It was through this experience that God reminded me that salvation was not dependent on my works. Yes, works will be evident in those who are truly born again, but there are seasons that it seems we are completely barren and fruitless, that no good thing can come from us again, or maybe that’s just how I felt. Depression, clouds of grief, despair, hopelessness, chronic health issues that won’t leave, with no end in sight- at least in this life.
What then?
When we can no longer lift burdens for others because we can’t even begin to see past our own, or even lift our head from the pillow.
Are we still secure in our relationship with Jesus? “How could God love someone so useless and needy”, says the father of lies, the devil.
Let me assure you, no season we go through, no matter how ugly and terrible it seems at the time is wasted and worthless to God!
He is in ALL of it! You have to come to the point in your life that you give up fighting for the life you expected to have and embrace the life God has given you now, knowing He has a purpose and that the hard roads are the ones that lead to our eternal home.
You have to make the choice in your heart, even when the thoughts in your mind doesn’t want to cooperate, to believe God’s Word is Truth and the ultimate authority. Search the scriptures to put your negative thinking on trial and fight with the sword of the Lord- the Word of God. Without knowing and believing God’s Word we will be defeated by satan.
Hard times are what God often uses to put to death what’s left of our flesh that tries to find satisfaction in this temporary, fallen world. Often in these times we lose some friends or family, but we gain an intimacy with Christ in our sufferings that few will have the privilege of knowing.
As Christians we are invited to share in the sufferings of Christ. Often we suffer because of our own sin and poor choices, but many times we suffer because we live in a fallen world and are at war with an enemy who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy our hope and ultimately our soul.
No good deed or effort on my part could bring me one step closer to a Holy and Righteous God. Nothing. It had to be mercy. It had to be Grace. It had to be Him. Jesus pursuing me because He loves me, even when I couldn’t love myself.
This week Luke 24, verses 16, 31, and 45 stood out to me.
...But God kept them from recognizing Him.
...suddenly their eyes were opened and they recognized Him.
...Then He opened their minds to understand the Scriptures.
Without the enabling of the Holy Spirit we are unable to understand our need for a Savior. Two of Jesus’ disciples even walked and talked with Him and still didn’t even recognize Him because God kept them from it.
I believe God gives knowledge and understanding to those who fear Him (reverence Him), and desire to truly honor Him. Only the Lord can open the eyes of the blind and set the captives free.
Before I was born again I had no desire to please or honor Jesus. I had no desire to even seek Him. But after He changed my heart I have a desire to seek Him, to know Him, to please Him.
I often fail in many ways, but the difference is that I am quickly convicted and hate it when I act in the flesh and grieve the Holy Spirit. Without the Holy Spirit not one of us would ever have the slightest desire to repent or seek Him. When one truly grasps that, it’s impossible not to love Him, to desire to honor and obey Him, no longer out of fear of punishment, but out of love for the Savior and what He does to rescue us from the Kingdom of darkness.
Anything good that ever comes from me or you is only because of Jesus. When we remember this, there is no longer room for pride, a critical, judgmental attitude, bitterness, or unforgiveness. It’s only when we subconsciously believe any good dwells in us apart from Christ that we begin to be hard on others.
If you are still able to find joy in sin and take advantage of His mercy day after day without remorse, can I encourage you to pray for the Lord to open your eyes, to cause you to see Him?
To really see Him for the loving, merciful, long suffering Savior He is. Cause once your eyes and heart are enlightened by the Holy Spirit you will no longer have the desire to be friends with the world.
To love the spirit of this world is to hate Christ. You can go to church, tithe, teach Sunday school and give all your time and money to the poor and needy, but it amounts to nothing unless you have an intimacy with Christ through a consistent prayer life and make time to behold Christ.
For it’s through beholding Christ that we are transformed to His Image.
Any service we do should flow from the intimacy with spend with Him. No relationship could thrive if the spouse spent every waking hour working for the other, but never spent quality time with their spouse.
But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” 2 Corinthians 3:18
If God could carry me through to the other side of what I was battling, He can do the same for you. No situation is hopeless and His grace truly is sufficient.
If any of you are secretly battling fear, anxiety, hopelessness over your current situation and need prayer and encouraging scriptures to help you through, feel free to send me a private message! You are not alone.
Thank God when you feel sick when you speak ill of another, allow a lustful thought, or find entertainment in anything that glorifies sin.
That is the Holy Spirit who desires to rescue you from those things.
Those who can sin without remorse are to be most pitied. Their hearts are hard and lost and they don’t even know it.
There are lost souls who need a messenger of hope and the Spirit is calling us to repent, believe the gospel, and share that message with others. If there is anyone reading this that feels alone, hopeless, and in need of support, please message me and I would be happy to pray for you and support you any way I can.
I never thought I would be able to share this message of hope again because I felt so hopeless, so discouraged, and defeated. It’s ok if you’ve fallen. Just get back up and remember....
“The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked.”
Proverbs 24:16
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